he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
