At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
