He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
