So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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