i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
