UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
People in love make me want to vomit
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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