1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
