Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
