If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I pour the whiskey from now on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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