I just pynch a tree in the face
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
COCAINE IS GR8
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
