i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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