Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
