just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
