Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
