I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize