I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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