Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
