ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
