whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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