how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
