hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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