Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can I color on your dick again?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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