the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
