so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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