the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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