my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
