i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
