The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
