I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
