I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
