I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
