You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
