pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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