Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
