The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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