You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
