I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize