Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
