Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
