If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize