She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
