I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
