Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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