do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
