I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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