Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
