she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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