it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
