I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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