We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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