i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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