He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
