This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
