So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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