my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
