I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
