i don't like sucking hair
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
