Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
