One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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