You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
