How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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