How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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