I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
