..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
