i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize