so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
