you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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