sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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