You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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