Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
