Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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