What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
