Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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