after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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